Dark Angel 2 I will admit it, after the disappointment of Dark Angels I had some pretty low expectations for this movie.  It didn’t help that the handful of reviews that I read said that Dark Angels was the better of the two.  I was regretting my movie selection (another rental from RentDVDXXX) before I had even watched it.  With great reluctance the movie went into the DVD player.   I was hoping that Ron Jeremy would act as a perverted fairy godfather and save this movie.

Would it be wrong of me to say that I am still disappointed that I was disappointed the movie wasn’t nearly the turd burger I was expecting?  I expected the worst and that isn’t what I got.

The plot revolves around dying vampires and Sunny Lane.  The vampires, led by Barrett Blade (who makes a really cool looking vampire I might add), are dying and are after the “pure blood” that runs through Sunny Lane’s body.  As Barrett put it later in the movie, “Maybe one of your ancestors was a vampire, maybe it’s just a random accident…”

The story opens up in a squalid room with vampire Barrett Blade having his way with mortal August.  When he is done fucking her he bites her.  We won’t be seeing August again.  The SWAT team arrives.  What I want to know is who called the SWAT team?  Is it possible they have an alarm that goes off every time someone is the victim of a vampire attack?  Barrett takes out the SWAT team and goes about his way.

Sunny has arrived late for work and her boss, Ron Jeremy is pissed and threatens to fire her.  Tells her to get changed and get to work.  Kudos to Ron Jeremy for owning a small diner where the waitress uniform barely covers the girls asses guaranteeing tips.   As she changes attention is brought to a huge bruise on her shoulder.

In the trailer park Tyler Wood is getting his dick sucked by Destiny Deville.  The answering machine on the counter behind him plays a live message as Sunny calls and tells him she is closing up the restaurant, getting his dinner and will be home shortly.  So, it’s been implied that he beats her and now he’s cheating on her.  He’s an asshole and deserves whatever he gets at this point.  I was so hoping Destiny was a vampire and was going to kill him when she was done riding him, but that wasn’t the case, she was just some easy lay he picked up somewhere.

Sunny returns home and finds Destiny’s earrings on the counter.  He basically tells her if she wasn’t such an ice queen in bed he wouldn’t have to go looking elsewhere.

Barrett and Evan are out walking the streets when they come across a drunken vagrant asking for pocket change.  Barrett gives him change, but not the sort that he is hoping for.  He bites the drunk turning him into a vampire-zombie sort of thing.  Whatever has infected, as Barrett explains later, the vampires, it prevents them from making more vampires.  They get zombie slaves instead.  The upside of the zombie slaves is that they are being trained as vampire hunting dogs to find someone of pure blood.

Another day at the restaurant.  Katrina Kay and Tommy Gunn are doing a bit more than helping Sunny close down the restaurant.  They are doing each other in the kitchen.  Sunny walks in, finds them and is embarrassed.  Katrina tells her she can watch if she wants.   She declines and retreats to the bathroom to change.  Cue the zombies.  Katrina and Tommy quickly become zombie fodder and Sunny realizes that she has a fan club.

She speeds home hoping that loose of a husband of her will protect her.  He thinks she is crazy and is more worried about damage that he did to the car hitting someone than he is that someone is after her.  More zombies.  Tyler gets his head ripped off and bounced off the cupboard by one of them leaving a huge blood splat where it hit.

Who comes to the rescue of Sunny but Dillon Day, the cop from the last movie.  We have continuity people! I have to ask though, what in the name of continuity does Evan Stone have to do with this movie?  We watched him die in the last one.  That’s not important right now.  Dillon has a really cool bow that shoots wooden stakes that looks like it could have been designed by Ted Nugent.  Vampire hunting has come into the 20th century!  Now only if those gadgets were readily available at Wal-Mart and Home Depot.  Dillon delivers the “Come with me if you want to live” line.  Where have I head that line before?  The funny thing is, it never seems to fail as a pick up line no matter how stupid it sounds. Dillon explains that vampires are after her and he is going to protect her and teach her how to protect herself and blah blah blah.  Takes her back to the garage that he lives in and uses to build awesome vampire killing weapons.

What are the vampires up to?  It looks like Monica Mayhem (I love that name) is getting turned on by the pipes,  and what-have-you in the vampire lair.  Evan Stone joins her for some rough, wild and hot vampire sex with emphasis on rough and hot.

It’s morning and Sunny is awake checking out all of the gadgets that Dillon has created for serious vampire slaying.  Buffy really needs to see about getting him as a supplier to make her job easier.  Dillon comes up behind her scaring the crap out of her and sends her off to the shower.  She’s lathering up her body when Dillon shows up with towels and takes a moment to watch her.  She tells him to put them on the toilet, which he flushes on his way out.

Off to some deserted piece of property for target practice and sex on the hood of a car.  Only in a porno does a kiss on the cheek mean “I am going to fuck you now.”  Sunny isn’t acting like she is an ice queen in bed, she’s rather enjoying Dillon.  Just proves that maybe Tyler should have been nicer to her, she would have been more than happy to suck his cock and ride him.

Packing up to leave a local hick cop shows up to be eaten by zombies.  Dillon and Sunny steal the cop truck leaving behind Dillon’s awesome car and all their vampire killing weaponry.  Speeding down the road, Dillon hits one of the zombies sending zombie pieces everywhere.  It this were a game of Hit the Pedestrian he would have gotten 500 points, plus an extra 300 for style.  Barrett is now standing in the middle of the road and causes a car accident.  The effects that were involved with this were cool as shit.

Sunny kidnapped, Dillon left for dead, we are back at the vampire house.  Barrett is explaining how she is going to save them.  Dillon shows up to save her and I finally get my explanation of why Evan Stone is in this movie.

Dillon: Wait, didn’t I kill you in the last movie?

Evan: No you killed my brother.

Dillon: (as if he doesn’t believe vampires can have brothers) You have a brother?

Evan: Yes, my twin brother.

Cue fight scene and tons of cool special effects of vampires getting killed.  I don’t want to spoil the ending for anyone who hasn’t seen this, but it’s one hell of a cliffhanger.  I want to know when Dark Angels 3 is coming out!

Much better than the first movie.  I didn’t want to gouge my eyes out with a spork while watching this one.  One of things that I really enjoyed about this movie was the 80’s horror movie feel to it.  As a teenager I thrived on that stuff and it was awesome to see it done again, and done right.  The effects were cool as hell as well.  The hottest sex scene was Evan and Monica.  Fair warning, anyone looking for anything outside of oral and vaginal one on one sex will be disappointed.  Regardless, this movie earns it’s rating, unlike it’s predecessor that I had to find redeeming qualities with.  Two guys who look great as vampires, a plot, a noticeable lack of silicone, Monica Mayhem with a whip and cool special effects.  What else could you want in a movie?

Interested in seeing this movie?