Not the Bradys XXX

Where the Brady Bunch was concerned we all knew that Alice was getting slipped the sausage by Sam the Butcher and secretly wanted to see it, just once. We all also knew that there was some weird semi-incestuous relationship going on between Marcia and Greg that we wanted addressed that never was. Beyond that, sex wasn't something that you really thought about when it came to the Bradys. I mean, we weren't even sure that Carol and Mike were having sex. They never had any kids together. He brought 3 with him into the marriage, she brought three with him, but they never had any together. Did they or did they not have sex?

In Not the Bradys XXX they do. So does Marcia and Greg (it's about damn time). Alice and Sam the Butcher...no. However, there are many references to Sam slipping her the beef. Such a shame to since Sam is played by Ron Jeremy. That could have been a scene for the books, I am sure. On the other hand, Alice is the only one that has any clue as to what is going on in the house with the kids. Mike and Carol are such the clueless parents.

Before we go any further, lets do a quick cast break down of the family:

Mike: Mike Horner
Carol: Alana Evans
Jan: Aurora Snow
Marcia: Hillary Scott
Cindy: Leah Luv
Peter: James Deen
Greg: Benjamin Bratt
Bobby: Mikey Butders

Mike is having problems at work, which means financial problems for the family. They may not be able to make the mortgage. This means that in traditional Brady Bunch style the kids pitch in by getting jobs to help out. Only Carol and Mike don't want them working so they have to do so in secret. Marcia answers an add in the paper for a model making $1000 a week.  The job listing was secret code for "people wanted to star in porn".  Marcia shows up to be fed a line of bull about modeling and how porn would pay more.  "It's only giving a blow job" and "It's international, your parents would never know."  She's shocked to see Sam the Butcher there and decides to go home and think about it.  On her way out she runs into Katie (Jasmine Byrne), who she goes to school with and is dating Greg.  She's shocked that she's doing porn.  Of course, Greg doesn't know.

As Marcia leaves Bobby shows up on the set, luckily they don't run into each other.  Bobby gets to bang Gregs girlfriend on camera.  He claims he doesn't know what he's doing but he figures it out quite fast and Katie has no complaints as she gives him a bit of direction and carries on like this is the ride of her life.   I want to know why her one knee was bruised to hell.  That wasn't very becoming.  I am sure it would make for an interesting back story too.

Back at the Brady house Sam arrives with some meat wrapped up for Alice and Marcia is freaked out to see him there so quickly after having just seem him on the porn set.  The next scene are the kids raising money with a car wash.  Alice has been in the girls room and is having a talk with Carol and Mike about the kids "growing up" and the boys going through large amounts of lotion because they are jacking off and she has a box of dildos she found in the girls room.  Mike is proud that his boys are growing into men while Carol is in denial.  "They must be school supplies."  I never had school supplies like that.  Anyone else?  Didn't think so.  Back out at the car wash Jan and Marcia are showing off their boobs while Cindy is letting Kurt Lockwood know that it's $10.00 to have his car washed.  They get into a discussion about the money problems of the family and he asks if he she wants to know how to make $200 real fast.

They go somewhere private and Kurt goes on about how guys are into that barely legal thing and all and she has that going and should capitalize on it with her braces and pig tails.  He tells her to get on her knees and pulls out his cock and goes to stick it in her mouth.  She freaks out and this doesn't go where you think it's going to go.  Little Cindy isn't offended, she just needs to take out her rubber bands before going down on Kurt.  When they finish up he's offended that she needs to get back to the car wash and doesn't hang around for him to tip her.

Carol and Mike are now discussing Jan and how Mike thinks she's shy and lacking in social skills.  Well, she has this boyfriend that is helping her open up a bit.  Alice mentions that she just seen them go up to her room to work on a school project.  Reality check, they are out in the back yard on a blanket practicing more than social skills.  Whats interesting is that Jan's boyfriend is Tee Reel.  I don't remember interracial relationships in the Brady Bunch.  These must be new family values.  Hell, it goes right along with Bobby doing porn and Cindy prostituting.  These days the Bradys belong on Springer.  Carol and Mike have no idea what is going on with their kids and they are all getting in no manner of trouble.

Can't forget about Peter.  He's sneaking two girls (Paulina James and Veronique Vega) up to his room. They are showing off the new panties that their mommies bought them and want his opinion.  Does he like the blue ones better or the white and red ones.  He's more interested in having a three way.  What is with these Brady kids having sex in the house with the parents in the next room?  Sooner or later you would think they would get caught?  Doesn't happen though.  Peter comes close and is afraid he's going to get grounded for a month, but not until after he makes both girls rather happy.

The kids out of the house, Alice gone off to go bowling with Sam the Butcher, with the prospect of getting slipped some extra meat if she wins, Mike and Carol have the house to themselves.  That means they get to fuck.  What?  They don't have a bedroom that they can go lock themselves in away from their sex crazed family?  They have to wait until they have the house to themselves where they can do it on a rather ugly 70's style fake leather sofa?  In case anyone has wondered, Carol Brady has had a boob job.  Now we know the real reason that the Bradys are having financial problems.  It has nothing to do with Mikes job.  They have to pay for Carol's plastic surgeon and boobs.  Okay...not really.  Mikes job really does suck.

Marcia has decided that she wants to do porn, but not with just anyone.  She wants to do porn with Greg.  They can make their own tape and sell it to "Uncle Lou".  She drags him off to her bedroom and sets up the camera.  "Come on Greg let me suck your cock."  You know Greg always wanted to hear Marcia say that.  This is the scene we always wanted to see in the Brady Bunch and here it is.  The best for last.

So, as far as parodies go, this one is at the top of the list of those that must be seen.  Fair warning, such a good job was done muddying various lines that some wouldn't dare cross making it a bit to much Brady Bunch.  If you ask me, that's where the charm comes in.  It delves right into that twisted part of the mind that wanders alone unattended sometimes and makes no apologies for it.


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