Squirt Girl

Alex Sanders and Jenner are two bored comic book creators who are really sick of the Adventures of Super Duck.  Both are pretty sure the only person that reads it is Jenner's mom.  To break the boredom they do what I imagine any comic book guys do, they come up with a comic book based on sex.  Well, in this case it's squirting.  Jenner obviously spends way to much time drawing this duck character and never gets laid because he has to ask, "What's squirting?"

Alex explains the concept of female ejaculation to his depraved co-worker and I am forever grateful that Alex's hair has grown out and it's kept in a ponytail.  I no longer have visions of Carrot Top doing porn and state as much to my husband who gives me that look.  He still hasn't hasn't experienced my Alex Sanders Carrot Top nightmares brought on by earlier movies.  Squirting explained, the comic opens with a couple in bed (Billy Glyde and Lexi Love) watching porn.  Billy is all excited about the girl in the porn being able to squirt and Lexi rolls over reject wishing she could squirt.  "I wish I could squirt, I wish I could squirt, I wish I could squirt..."  By saying this three times, who should appear?

Squirt Girl!

I said it was comic book cheese.  I knew this going into the movie.  I could tell this by the cover.  I fully expected it.  It's why I rented the movie.  (Yes, I rented it over watching it on Yappo.  I actually prefer DVDs over VOD.  I should really blog that.  Someone might find that interesting.  Or not.)  Well, that and the Evan Stone factor.  Cheese and Evan hamming it up go hand in hand and you are going to get some laughs.  I was reading reviews of the movie prior to watching it and people were horribly disappointed, expecting so much more.  I don't know what they were expecting, but you don't go into a Mel Brooks movie expecting something other than camp comedy.  I also discovered in reading other reviews men who don't believe that women can squirt, that they are actually urinating.  I do believe if that were the case this would have been marketed as a golden shower movie, which is an entire different fetish.  I digress.

Comic book geek one, Alex, explains that Squirt Girl (Cytherea) is half mortal, half immortal, she's used to be selfish in her sexual needs not caring about her partners needs and has been cursed in teaching humans about squirting.  Men and women on her planet are at odds at the dominate orgasm and the main reason for sex, procreation or enjoyment.  But, that's not important right now.  Squirt Girl has arrived to teach Lexi the fine art of squirting.

This instruction starts with Billy, who she tries to instruct on how how to properly touch his wifes g-spot, but he's doing it all wrong.   She slaps him away and takes matters into her own hands, and mouth.  When Lexi finally lets loose, we don't get a gusher but it's obvious and she states, "You really are from the Planet Squirt."  The girls get into sharing Billy it seems that Squirt Girl needs to give some additional instruction to the couple on how to fuck before she finally gets her turn.  Lexi gets a front row seat up close and personal as Billy fucks Squirt Girl just inches over her face where when she lets loose with the water works it hits her in the face and runs down her entire body.  It's going to take more than the standard on set baby wipe to clean up from this one folks.  

According to our comic book geeks Lexi tells one of her friends (Kat) about what Squirt Girl did for her, letting her experiencing three orgasms.  Her friend tells her that she wishes she could do the same thing but she isn't into girls.  Not to worry, Squirt Girl has magical powers and brings two men, our comic book geeks, to teach her to squirt.  This scene had everything.  Oral sex, blow jobs, vaginal, anal, DP, squirting, Alex almost getting impaled with Kat's stilettos on several occasions.   She even came within several inches of ripping off one of his nuts with one of those shoes.  She was fucking dangerous with those things.  I would have given anything just to have seen him pull those damn shoes off of her and throw them across the room.  Hey, we talk about condom use when it comes to safe sex, but no one talks about the dangers of stilettos.  One of these days a decent male actor is going to end up on the injured reserved list from being gored by one of those fuckers.  I can see the headlines now "Famous Male Stud has Spleen Ruptured by Fuck Me Pump While Filming Sex Scene".  The world of porn will never be the same again.

It's now time for the moment I have been waiting for.  The introduction of the super villain, Capitan Cum.  He has captured one of Squirt Girl's minxes and wants to know her location among the mortals.  He decides he is going to fuck the information out of her.  Naturally she likes that idea (who wouldn't?) and taunts him.  She likes the rough stuff.  Now, Evan didn't watch Who Wants to be a Superhero with Stan Lee because he does something very very bad and removes his mask during sex.  The number one rule of being a superhero, or a super villain is never to reveal your identity.  I am appalled.   More anal sex, more squirting and extra weirdness.  Capitan Cum cums in her mouth and guess what, it's super cum.  Imagine that.  It's going to make her reveal where Squirt Girl is.  She whispers the location in his ear and he's off to find her.

Now our comic book guys are discussing how they need a lesbian scene (Gia Givanna, Keeani Lei).  Well, they are the writers so they will write one in for no other reason than to have one.  Here is that sex scene that is there for no other reason than filler material that has nothing to do with the story line (wait, this time it had a little something to do with plot, the "writers" just wanted a lesbian scene) and really made no sense.  There were lots of toys and could have easily been an interactive demonstrational catalog for Doc Johnson.  Yawn.  I didn't rent the movie for this.  I rented it for Evan Stone antics.  Next scene please.

The final showdown between Squirt Girl and Captain Cum.  Captain Cum is attacked by a blow up doll.  "Crap."  Yes, he got his ass kicked, more or less, by a blow up sex doll.  Only Evan.  There is nothing this guy won't do for a laugh, I am convinced of it.  I am also sure he has to be popular at parties because of that.  Cue hero vs. villain banter. 

"There is only one way to solve this."  Squirt Girl tells him.  "Remove your costume."  It's a fuck off.  I am really feeling the outdoor scenery.  The tree cut outs stolen from The Charlie Brown Christmas Special adds a special something to it all.  The wicker lawn couch and fake dirt is even better.  I love the fake dirt.  The sex makes up for it though.  Either  Cytherea anticipates the sex may get wild and doesn't want to risk doing damage to Evan or her shoes are bothering her, either way she removes them.  I have never seen that happen before.  The heals come off folks.  There will be no potential eye gouging, nut busting, spleen rupturing, or leg tearing via stiletto in this scene.  If only Kat had cared enough about Alex in the previous scene.  Of course there was a lot of squirting and Captain Cums super cum in the end rendered Squirt Girl helpless and Captain Cum comes out victorious.

Back in the comic drawing room, there are storyboards hanging up for this new sexual comic book.  Jenner asks if they should turn it.  Alex tells him that it's a piece of crap and they need to get back to The Adventures of Super Duck and the movie fades to black as they guys are once again bored and hating their job. 

Every now and then you hear a whisper of complaint about how porn is always worried about only the guys in the movies getting off, here is one about the girls getting off, and it's quite obvious they are getting off and we know they aren't faking.  It was a change of pace, even if it was surrounded by camp and some bad acting on the part of a number of the women.  Besides, it's not every day you get to see Evan Stone get beat up by a blow up sex doll.



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