Porn of the Dead

The movie starts as any typical zombie film; it even has that zombie film quality to it from about 15 years or so ago.  Dirty Hairy even knows the town is infested by zombies and has set out to do away with them.  For the record, I have taken a number of those “Would you survive a zombie holocaust tests” and the answer is barely if at all.  Dirty Hairy isn’t fairing all that well either and needs to rethink his zombie killing skills.  He finds his zombie, Sierra Sinn, who has never looked worse, and takes her back to his house where he has set up a zombie killing pit, for lack of a better term.  It’s a hole, of sorts, in the floor, covered in newspaper and drop cloths.  Guess he is trying to keep from getting zombie blood and guts from ruining things.  He attempts to choke the zombie to death, and he really thinks this works because he leaves her alone to go change into something that is going to keep zombie guts and blood off of him and his clothes.  When he returns she isn’t in the pit anymore and there are bloody footprints and her clothes.  Moments later she attacks him, or rather his cock and he’s screaming in horror.  That horror soon turns to enjoyment and he’s getting it on with the zombie.  The undead need love too and they love it up the ass.  God, this is the messiest sex scene I have seen since the XXXorcist.  He jacks off on her face and cue the gore when she bites his dick off.  This is horror sex at its best.

The next scene is a total change with Hillary Scott in her bedroom with some overdone lighting making me think that I just looked into a light bulb getting it on with her vibrator.  This chick has some freaky fantasies and she’s fantasizing about getting it on with a zombie played by Alec Knight.  Guess everyone gets off on different things.

As the moon breaks through the trees we hear the sounds of sex coming from somewhere outside.  As the camera zooms in Trina Michaels is in the middle of filming a sex scene for a movie when a number of zombies bust in (Jenner, Buster Good and Trent Tesoro), chasing away her leading man, tear apart the movie crew eating their innards and fuck the shit out of Trina.  At first Trina is afraid they are going to eat her bits to but all they want is a good fucking and she quickly becomes happy to oblige them even doing a zombie DP while taking the third in her mouth.  This is the one time you will see someone get gang banged by zombies folks.

Our next zombie vignette makes no damn sense as we find coroner Rob Rotten placing what appears to be the zombie corpse of Nikki Jett on a table and fulfilling his necrophilia fantasies with the unmoving body.  For what it’s worth, oral sex reanimates zombies, if anyone needs to know.  Not sure what anyone would need that information for, but now you have it.

Lastly we have Ruby Knox in a mental hospital in a straight jacket.  She’s somehow managed to do some serious damage to herself or something. Her face is a bloodied mess, there is blood on the floor and she’s not looking good.  Intern Johnny Thrust rushes in, “Don’t tell me you are dead too!”  Obviously this is an ongoing problem.  He takes off her straight jacket.  He’s a sick fuck because he has this entire necrophilia thing going on too and starts performing oral sex on her.  “You ain’t been dead long.”  Dude gets a rude surprise when she attacks him by returning the favor.  Told you oral sex reanimates.  He doesn’t seem to mind too much though until she bites off a toe but that doesn’t stop him from fucking the shit out of her.  This is horror porn; we have to have large amounts of blood come from somewhere.  Another end scene where the guy fucking the zombie looses his dick would have been redundant so she rips out his intestines and starts to eat them.

Yes, I have my totally fucked up moments, and apparently so does Rob Rotten for envisioning this twisted concept set to punk/grindecore music.  I had someone tell me today when I told him that review #100 was zombie porn that somehow the idea of zombie porn was worse than clown porn.  I will have to take an informal poll on that.  I am not sure if zombies are stroke material but Porn of the Dead proves you can combine horror, specifically zombies, and sex and it can be done well.  You just have to be Rob Rotten to do it.  With review #100, Porn of the Dead, out of the way, I can quit obsessing about reaching this magic number, and get some other, hopefully more productive, stuff done.