Brea's Private Lies

I have gone on record twice before saying that I have not been pleased with Club Jenna movies.  The saying is third time is a charm, not in this case.  At this point I should just give up watching anything done by Club Jenna and/or D. Cypher.  I don’t care how good the sex is in the movies, good sex doesn’t count when you can’t enjoy the majority of it because the lighting is horrible.  You know those movies and TV shows when someone has died and is going into the afterlife and walking into the bright white light?  Imagine watching a sex scene illuminated like that.  Put that at the top of the list of ways to fuck up a perfectly good porno.  Unfortunately I couldn’t find my sunglasses prior to watching Brea’s Private Lies 2 but like any good porn trooper stuck it out…for the review must be posted.

Brea works at the Private Lies escort detective agency.  Yea, I want to know how that one works too.  I also want to know what you look that one up in the phone book under.  It’s their job to catch cheating spouses cheat, or more to the point set up cheat spouses to cheat where they can catch them on film cheating.    The first cheating spouse is Marcus London and he is found in a hotel room with Brea and there is no cutting to the chase, the movie opens right up with them going right at it.  In an annoying as hell edit job that only D. Cypher can pull off the scene cuts between full washed out flood light color and Private Lies grainy spy cam footage that makes it look like you are watching it through the eyes of the Terminator.  It’s distracting as hell.  Put this as way number two to fuck up a porno, get fancy in post production with the editing to distract from the sex.  We want to see sex, not you’re your drug induced arsty film school drop out vision.  Will the pain ever end?

Riley Mason is posing as a secretary for Derrick Pierce.  She sucks as a secretary.  She’s hung up on half his calls and has dumped coffee on him.  He tells her he should fire her but he isn’t going to.  He has other ideas.  Yep…those ideas include banging on his office desk and his office chair.  More flood lighting, more voyeurism from the Terminator.  You get the idea.

Brea is on the phone to her brother (Eric Masterson who is not credited anywhere, a few more rolls like this and he will be ready for voice over work in cartoons on Adult Swim), seems her husband has a mistress of his own and has emptied all their accounts and left her broke.  She’s got problems.

James Deen is now seeking professional counseling from Tiffany Price.  He thinks she’s a psych or something and is there for counseling of sorts.  He’s cheating on his wife with hookers because he’s not getting any at home.  Well, Tiffany isn’t really a counselor, she’s one of Brea’s escort detectives and she’s there to fuck James and be filmed and photographed while doing it as proof James is cheating on his wife.  More flood lighting to the point parts of the scene are completely indistinguishable and more spy camera editing to add to the annoyance.

Brea is back in her office and she has a phone call from Sophia Rossi who used to use to own Private Lies.  Obviously this is information that I would have had more of if I had watched the first movie.  Porn sequels, it’s so hard to tell when you need to watch the first one to enjoy and understand the second one.  Then again, in this case, who wants to?   Sophia has some threats about closing down Private Lies and information about Brea’s husband.  With the track record of flood lighting abuse from Club Jenna, and knowing that there is a 99.9% chance it happened in Sophia's Private Lies Part 1, do we really want to know what all of this is about?  Brea hangs up on her as a woman comes in wanting to hire her because she believes her husband of six months is cheating.  Well, she’s married to Barrett Blade and it’s not too long before we see him banging Brea in a motel room complete with Ikea bedding, that come into the light flood lighting and spy cam editing.  To give everyone reading this an idea about the lighting, I can confirm the Ikea bedding comes in both green and blue but I can not tell you which was used in this scene because the lighting made it in-fucking-possible.  In an odd twist, Brea was hired to fulfill Barrett’s fantasy.  He had a crush on Brea ever since he used to watch her dance at the Pretty Pussy.  As always Barrett is amusing, but even his antics can't save this movie from drowning.

Now we have Sophia attempting to blackmail and bribe Tommy Gunn into closing down Private Lies with sex.  Do I even need to go into it?

In the end Brea is arrested on a slew of charges including operating a business without a license, prostitution, racketeering, money laundering, soliciting, and pandering.  She ends up back at the Pretty Pussy dancing and cue the lesbian scene with Mia Rose on the cheap vinyl couch in the back room that you can hear make that noise that vinyl makes when you move around on it.  And the movie is over…finally. 

That was painful to watch and now I am still seeing spots from the bright lights.  Watching Brea’s Private Lies 2 was like looking into a light bulb and hallucinating a movie.