Sometimes the sun shines. Sometimes you find a ten under your couch cushions. Sometimes you get to work on Friday to find out your boss has the flu (Score). Basically, sometimes it's just your day. This is how I felt the day that the internet began buzzing about a rumored Kim Kardashian sex tape. What? No Way? She had just become famous enough to have those ridiculous tits, and that cock starching ass invade my dreams. I have to wait at least two years for the sex tape. Right?

Wrong. Kim's a wild girl and she let it all hang out for a birthday weekend earlier this decade. It seems that her and Hip Hop/R&B "Star" (?) Ray J decided to preserve this moment for all off us. Hoo-fucking-Ray.

This particular Sex Tape scores for all the right reasons. Hot bodies, Hot Sex, and the shining jewel of the sex tape genre, PRODUCTION VALUE. Ray J shows his amateur directing skills by positioning the camera perfectly as Kim begins the tape by devouring his porn star worthy cock. The images are clear and detailed, no night vision grainy shots, and very little camera clumsyness. Another plus to this masterpiece is the SEX itself. This is the hottest Celeboning this side of Pam and Tommy Lee. Kim takes all of Ray and begs for more. Their heat is evident as she encourages him to Fuck her harder and harder from all positions. Her body is on display here. More than enough ass for the ass men (me) Crazy titty flaunting for the tit men (you) and her full lips wrapped around some cock for all of you blowjob fans (basically all of us). There are some down points, like Ray J's incessant jabbering about being a "boss." Nigga please. This tape is your life's work. Also, no one wants to really see them on vacation, and it's obvious some of the sex scenes are looped. No matter. You'll have no blood in your brain to think while watching this one. You'll be clueless after blowing your load as if superman kissed you or something (watch the movie).
No dude. It was Kim. Her ass.

Four fucking Stars.

Ted Crabtree.

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