Real Wife Stories

Welcome to the world of Brazzers and big boobs.  Big natural boobs.  Everyone likes boobs, and the bigger the better (at least that is what I hear).  If you find fake boobs as strange as I do, then Brazzers is your porn company, you won't find any silicone here.  What you will find, outside of boobs, is some really annoying giggly girls.  I am sorry, but girls should not giggle this much in porn.  It was about as distracting as the annoying conversations during the three-ways.  Yes, I realize that this is one of those "cheating wife" movies, but come on, do we have to discuss that fact every three minutes between giggles?  I really should have turned the volume down all the way.  After almost three hours of that I want to stick something sharp and pointy in my skull.

To start the giggle-fest we have Amy Ried.  She enters the bedroom, flops down on the bed with her laptop and starts chatting with some dude on the net.  Internet chatting in this case is code for talking dirty to.  I want to point out an another annoyance I had right here.  It was a minor thing, but if you are going to film someone "chatting" on a computer, please do NOT have a close up of them fake typing where their fingers don't even come in contact with the keys.  We are supposed to be buying into a fantasy so can we have it look as real as possible?  It's typing, not some expensive special effect.  Anyway, as she is chatting on the net with her friend her husband comes in with flowers thinking they will make up for lack of sex in over a month.  The dude has an unknown medical problem and can't perform and he thinks flowers are a nice substitute.  HELLO!  A vibrator would would be a better substitute than flowers under the circumstances.  It would also make more sense in porn.  After some persuasion Amy finally tells him what she is doing on the computer and Mr. FTD tells her to invite him over.  The dude on the other end of the computer, Justice Young, gets to fuck Amy while he watches.  This scene was like porn meets MST3K.  The husband is making stupid comments through the entire thing such as when Justice slapped her ass he said "That's going to leave a mark."  Yes, I know, most porn dialog is stupid, but this was stupid even by porn standards and I should have realized that this scene was only the beginning of it.

Like the thumbs up in the picture he gave Justice for doing a good job fucking his wife?  I wonder why this scene was chosen as part of the feature over the bonus scene with Jordan Jagger and T.J. Cummings.  It was basically the same idea.  In Jordan's version though her husband is in a wheelchair annoyed by her need for sex and she gets to fuck the nervous cable guy while her husband watches. 

I mean, T.J. got two thumbs up from the peanut gallery while Justice got one.  I should take an informal survey of everyone that has watched this movie and ask which version is their favorite.

Shy Love and Shyla Stylez really over did the giggling.  The story is, the two of them were college buddies that hadn't seen each other in some time.  They are so excited to finally see each other again they didn't bother to introduce their husbands, Jack Vegas and Seth Dickens.  After a brief tour of the house and a few swallows of wine they decide to swap husbands and the guys learn some things about their wives that they didn't know, like it was normal for them to share men and get it on with each other.  Shyla even announces to her husband that Shy likes anal.  Even worse was the dialog between the girls that was always "Your husband this" and "Your husband that".   To much talking.  Seriously.

If the four way isn't enough, Shyla takes Jack back to the hotel with her and leaves Shy Seth and everyone is so happy about this that it means more giggling, as if there wasn't enough giggling at the start of the scene and during the sex.  The name of this movie should have been Real Giggling Wife Stories.

At least the giggling stopped briefly for Hanna Hilton's scene.  Her husband is kind of a looser because he is too busy with work to pay attention to her.  Even when she flashes her boobs and offers to suck his dick.  His response is to tell her to make sure her Pilate's instructor works on her lower ass, implying that she's got some fat there.  Jerk.  She wants to suck his dick and he's complaining her ass is to big.  What a relationship.  Hanna does a little more than have the Pilate's instructor, Jack Venice, work on her ass.  She has him work on her.

I just had to share this picture.  Look at the weird angle of his dick.  Who fucks like that?  Anyone?  Is that a special stunt dick for porn?  Once again, could have done without all the stupid dialog.  This time it was a lot of "better than my husband" stuff.  Later, her husband comes home, wakes her from her nap and tells her that he's finally starting to feel horny.  After implying she had a fat ass he expects sex?  Even in porn men don't get away with that.

The next scene was really kind of odd.  Rhylee Richards and Ryse Richards get to engage in some a safe incest fantasy.  It's okay because they are step-sisters and not blood related.  That's what they tell Alec Knight.  One of them is married to him, not sure which (I can never tell bottle blonds apart), but since her sister hasn't had sex in like three months she's going to share her husband.  Alec has no say in it, not that he minds.  Cue the giggling and excessive girl talk. 

Naturally, everyone is hungry after the three-way and the one that is married to Alec decides to go to the market for dinner supplies.  Her sister asks, if while she is gone, if she minds if she fucks her husband again.  What's that all about?  Seems kind of a moot point at this stage.  I wonder what Dear Abby has to say about proper etiquette in sharing your husband with your sister.

Lastly we have Haily Star arguing with her husband on the way to see her mother.  No idea what this is about but apparently their relationship is based on arguing.  They aren't happy with each other and are very vocal about it.  At least Haily isn't giggling.  There is a porn god.  The car breaks down and her husband blames her because she wanted the hybrid thing and he can't tell the battery from the engine.  Who comes to their rescue?  Tony DeSergio.  He says he can help fix it but he has to get his tools.  Haily goes with him to help.  I think all she heard was the word "tool" and couldn't distinguish between actual tools needed to fix the car and the tool in Tony's pants.

Since Haily has been gone too long her husband goes in search of her and finds Tony's house, easily recognized by the Porche in the driveway.  Looking in the bedroom window he finds his wife riding Tony.  She pulls the blind down and tells Tony she's not worried about him being out there because he's better. 

I am seriously questioning the use of the word "real" in the title, unless real refers to the boobs.  The only world that these scenarios are real in are the porno soap opera world, or Jerry Springers.  The DVD would have been more enjoyable if the scenes weren't on the long side, 35 minutess as opposed to the normal 20.  The movie came across as being too damn long with all the giggling and idiotic dialog.  The upside is Brazzers gives a nice overview of the movie in about the first minute and a half during the opening credits.  You can see all the highlights of the movie at that time with out the annoying giggling and talking.