Desperate Housewhores

Hustler is a very versatile company.  Unlike a number of other companies that always follow the same formula, you never know what you are going to get from Hustler.  Think about it.  If you put your hand in a grab bag full of movies you could get any number of things from a Barely Legal offering to a full length feature or parody to a hardcore fetish movie.  Then there is Desperate Housewhores: The Real Girls of Orange County.  This is one of those movies that was funny without trying.  Not only that, after watching this I have an idea the who and whats behind the fantasies of bored housewives.


What happens when five women get together for their weekly book club meeting?  They certainly aren't discussing the latest book on Oprah's reading list.  In fact I want to know what they were reading that got them all hot and bothered.  It sounded like an interesting book...


Morgan Reigns found the book to be romantic.  This made everyone laugh because, apparently, romance doesn't happen in Orange County.  However, if you find having a strange man prove that chivalry isn't dead by helping you bring in your groceries, then Jenner is your man.  Morgan drug him off to the bedroom to show him just how grateful she was for his help.


After one of the chapters in the book Alana Evans was so horny that she jumped the mechanic who brought her car back to her.  Mike Hawk is still rather new to porn (IAFD lists one movie for him) and if you watch closely you can tell he's still not at home in front of the camera.  That's okay though because it was the perfect reaction for a guy who has a woman he doesn't know attacking him and telling him that the smell of mechanics is a turn on for her.


Brenya Rose, after chapter seven I believe it was, decided that she had to do the plumber.  Insert "no crack zone" jokes here.  This is where the movie started to get a little weird.  Benya has a thing about flailing her arms in an odd fashion while bouncing on a cock.  John West didn't seem to mind but from the view of someone watching the movie, it was very bizarre.


It got even weirder when Kayla Quinn told how horny she was after reading a certain select chapter (if you haven't figured it out by now everyone had their favorite chapter) that she attacked the college exchange student that arrived to stay with her.  What else are you going to do when your son is at soccer camp?  It made me giggle that Marcus London was supposed to be a college freshman.  That aside, Kayla is weird, and I know weird.  I have never heard anyone yell "Nail me like a plane" while getting fucked.  I thought I heard her wrong and backed up the DVD.  Nope, I heard that right, clear as day.  "Nail me like a plane."  Okay then.  not sure how one does that.  The important detail here is that Kayla is a squirter.


Lastly Shannon Kelly had her own horny adventure to tell about after reading that involved her sons basketball coach.  Her son sucks at basketball and coach Christian was going to kick him off the team.  Notice I said was, until she convinced him otherwise with sex.  After that he decided to make her son the teem manager and put him in charge of things like towels.  I can honestly say I have never been so happy to see Christian get naked before in my life.  He was wearing a Nike running suit that Hustler had to place a nice sized floating black oval over the logo.  You know the rules, no product placement, no matter how unintentional, in porn.  The floating black oval annoyed me.  It was distracting and I couldn't take my eyes off it.

So, to recap, there are five women in this movie doing their book club thing discussing some hot and sexy novel they read and talking about getting boned by normal every day guys.  What there wasn't was the token lesbian scene that seems to be in every porno out there.  That was horribly refreshing and so was seeing fantasies about "real men" in every day life rather than the fantasy of the dude on the romance novel.  Two thumbs up for director Mark Kismet for such a simple and realistic idea.  Dare I say it?  Desperate Housewhores: The Real Girls of Orange County might have actually been made with the female audience in mind.