Naked Aces 5

Having never seen Naked Aces 1 through 4 watching them now is on my to do list.  That list is so long at the moment I figure I will get to it about 2:43pm on June 14, 2016.  If I can't stop laughing long enough to write this review, that will be moved back a day or two.  I think it says more about me than the movie that I was more amused by the movie than I was turned on.  I mean, the sex was hot enough, but I just found everything outside of the sex funny as hell in that Van Wilder sort of way.  I can't remember the last time I watched a porno with an old style Batman sort of fight sequence.

Tommy Gunn is playing The Evil Ninja.  He's come up with a way, via a website, to send subliminal messages to men to make them attracted to inanimate objects.  Being an evil ninja though, he did come up with his own website, he hijacked Digital Playgrounds.  Evil ninjas are like that.  The point behind such a diabolical plot?  He wants all the pussy in the world to himself.  At least that is what he told his Little Green Army Men...

Jerry was the first to visit the Digital Playground website.  The inanimate object of his desires turned out to be a blow up doll.  No, it wasn't a sheep.  Yea, it was all a little weird, him talking to it while he was blowing it up.   Just as he was ready to get frisky with it Daisy Marie showed up to save the day.  Thank the porn gods no one has to see someone get it on with a blow up doll in porn...yet.  This is one movie that I think the NRA will like.  We have Bikini Girls With Machine Guns (Also a song by The Cramps off of their album Stay Sick).  Jerry has issues with Daisy shooting the doll and deflating it and it takes a little convincing on her part that the doll was a doll and she is real and what he really wants.  I do have a complaint with this scene.  It's just a little peeve that I have about porn.  When it comes time for the pop shot I don't want to watch a guy stroking his dick for a minute and a half while the girl tells him how much she wants him to cum on his face or whatever because he's having trouble getting off.  That doesn't do it for me, sorry.

Tony DeSergio was next to visit Digital Playground on line.  The next thing that happens is he is going through his bathroom trying to find every jar of petroleum jelly that he has.  I have no idea why anyone would have five jars of the stuff unopened, but he does and he thinks they are beautiful and is flattered that they all want him at once.  Enter Kelly Devine.  Now, you know, with that much jelly in the picture there is going to be an anal scene.

Paying tribute to American Pie, Erik Everhard finds himself craving apple pie after vising the Digital Playground site.  He takes it to bed with him and tells it they should date and that there is no one else for him.  Riley Steele has a bit of trouble convincing him that he wants her pie.  I can still hear Erik telling her "I love pie."  He sounded sincerly upset over the entire thing.  At least she was able to undo what The Evil Ninja had done before I was stuck watching a weird food fetish movie.

James Deen is always amusing.  What better way to showcase that than with a couple bottles of lotion?  He actually found a way to try and use them for masterbation going a bit further than everyone else.  When Shawna Lenne showed up to try and reverse the damage done from the Digial Playground site and The Evil Ninja I seriously wondered if the lotion wasn't going to win out.  James was just that intense about his lotion, even naming the bottles.  Shawna had a hard time keeping from laughing during all this, especially when she knocked one of the pump heads off the bottle and James went into hysterics.

Finally Shay Jordan showed up to battle Tommy Gunn.  The fight sequence had a lot of cheese in it, and I don't mean the kind you eat, making me laugh even more.  The Evil Ninja fights dirty too, stripping Shay down as they go and taking advantage of her.  Shay's final words, "You win this time Evil Ninja..."

This is three movies in a row now that I have watched that didn't have a girl-girl scene in them.  I could really get used to this.  Sorry, girl-girl scenes don't do anything for me 99% of the time.  I would rather watch a movie without them.  Robby D provided that along with a number of laughs.  I do have one problem with Digital Playgrounds disclaimer on Naked Aces 5..."Sexual activities depicted in this DVD may be medically harmful.  In addition they are not necessarly healthy, safe or suggested."  That is as good as saying "Don't try this at home" and we all know how well that works.