Fucked Up Facials 3   The monster cock niche has always been, dare I say, big business in the porn industry. Website series like Monsters of Cock and Long Cock Brothas have capitalized on their massive popularity and made their way to the DVD in recent times. I can appreciate the former but not the latter and I'll tell you why: I like my porn to have a genuine, honest feel. Insanely long and girthy rod wielders like Ramon and Shane Diesel pack real cock meat, not the silicone Doc Johnson "life-like" cock and ball sets with flour-water super soaker pack attachments. I should have known that the pervs at Pariah Pictures & JM Productions would give nothing but the latter in Fucked Up Facials Vol. 3, a DVD of scenes from their Fucked Up Facials website. In an attempt to be a fair and balanced type of porn reviewer, I'll try to look beyond the prosthetic gushing cocks and give points for merits beyond the incredibly hot porn goddesses who appear in this one.

Fucked Up Facials Vol. 3 stars AVN Award Winner Eva Angelina, Daisy Marie, Eden Adams and Christine Alexis. True to the formula, the girls get picked up, looked over then worked one-on-one by a decent stunt cock before getting their orifices stretched by a slew of "monster cocks." Mandingo, Boz and/or Shane Diesel must not have been available to "fluff" the girls before getting the hose beasts unleashed on them, so we'll make due.

Eva Angelina in Fucked Up Facials 3

The flick starts off with super cute and sexy Latina Eva Angelina (pre-knock up) trying to get posted up in a five guy game of pickup basketball. A bald, blue eyed, well hung stud decides to take her up on her offer. The lusty duo moves on over to a very brightly appointed room with a sofa that's perfect for porn. Her big breasts and sexy curves look great as ever while feverishly giving her well hung co-star a super sloppy blowjob (great ball sucking work and plenty of PTM here, too). The stud returns the favor with a little pussy licking before working his big cock in her in doggy style. She rides that thick cock like a champ in cowgirl & reverse cowgirl, even pulling a sweet half squatfuck. Within seconds of taking a hot facial, three of the bastards from the pick-up game come in, fake cocks at the ready. Surprisingly, they are no match for Miss Eva who sucks and rides with mucho gusto. The big fake cumshots here are nothing short of hilarious. Eva goes through the motions and looks pretty hot covered in goo, but there are a couple of LOLs given the Lexington Steele-esque cum screams.

Eden Adams in Fucked Up Facials 3

Eden Adams is a very sexy blonde cutie with brown lowlights that give her that extra naughty appeal. She meets the guys in the back of a mall, hops in the van and a little touchy feely ensues. Her stud Frankie even leans back to give her a warm-up pussy licking before getting to the real action. The tease reveals even more of her svelte body: small perky tits, tight ass and lean legs. Major bonus is that she keeps on a nice pair of white fencenet thigh highs for the whole scene. Stud can't get enough of eating her juicy hairless twat, either. She gets pounded by a brown stud with a decent cock in the usual array of positions: cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, legs overhead missionary, side, etc. She's hot, the sex is decent, but my interest waned when doggy moved from the rug to the carpet to the couch for no good reason (editing snafu, perhaps). Stud pops on her face, gets a little in her ear, wipes her up and then she's surrounded by four ghastly prosthetic cocks.

The foam rubber beasts penetrate her mouth and pussy before giving her more glaze than a Krispy Kreme. I'd be more aroused and amused by tentacle porn. Yes, hentai could do a better job of getting me off... guys holding unrealistic phalluses to their crotches equals bullshit in my humble opinion.

Daisy Marie in Fucked Up Facials 3

Ridiculously hot Latina Daisy Marie is the next victim. Daisy looks like a natural born stunner aided by some unnatural yet still appealing breasts. She gets picked up in what looks to be a mall parking lot while wearing a sweet red mini-dress and the requisite stripper heels. When they get back to the couches, Daisy's tease even includes a nice close-up of her full back Cherub tat which is majorly sexy. Frankie wastes no time in tasting her sweet pussy before getting his thick cock sucked. This first position is cowgirl where Daisy proves she's quite a rider. A spoon into hot doggy sequence is next and pretty good. Their one-on-one fuck is capped off with an over-the-head goo stream. Stud shocks Daisy by waving in the four cock monsters resulting in a lukewarm blow bang, a doggy/oral monster cock combo, tit fucking and more blow banging toward an ultra creamy finish.

Christine Alexis in Fucked Up Facials 3

I cannot say enough to match the bottle blonde leggy hotness that is Christine Alexis, not the brightest 19 year old in the bunch, but she's a lot of fun. She gets putt-putt golf lessons from porn stud Frankie. She's got cute little perky A cups and a sweet round ass. They move indoors for some plastic bowling. The guys even make the Marilyn/Paris Hilton comparisions before checking out her goodies some more. Frankie is so excited to fuck this chick, the only time he shuts up about her is when he starts slurping on her shaved pussy. The porn newbie shows off some decent cock sucking skills before saddling up for cowgirl & reverse. There's some spoon into doggy and the one-on-one gets capped off with a side of face cumshot. And of course, the four monsters show up. Christine does put some umph into the blowbang and looks as if she's actually enjoying it. She has a little trouble taking it in doggy but gets the hang of it. The eager little cocksucker takes the final absurd cum shower like the champ she is.

For one thing, the line up of porn vixens is fantastic. On the contrary, this flick really does nothing for me thanks to the tease-lukewarm fuck-fake cock blowbang-flour water facial formula. I'll give Fucked Up Facials 3 5 stars for the incredibly hot porn princesses, 3.5 stars for the one-on-one sex and 1.5 stars for the fake monster cock violations & cumshots. Adaora's verdict: 3 stars.

And don't forget to check out http://www.fuckedupfacials.com.

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