Andrew Blake's "House Pets"

Andrew Blake, celebrated director of breathtaking erotica publishes some of his clips which so far have only been available from his website in his DVD “House Pets.”  He offers a colorful and exciting insight into his fantasies and doesn't let the viewer dwell on one shot for long.  Some of the films are longer, others quite short.  Young talent Sasha Grey appears in the majority of the 18 vignettes.

“House Pets” arrives in a very beautifully packed slip case and fold-out DVD holder.  Decorated with photos of the actresses in their scenes and quotes from the director himself, it makes for an interesting item that you just can’t help but pick up and want to watch.

From the cover: "Intuition is everything", Blake commented.  And this Intuition reveals itself in both the filming and the actual filming itself:  "Look", he leveled, "I work with no script, I come with a bare bones idea, so even when working with performers who become like puppets for me, they must bring the energy with them, bring something to the party, so that I can wind them up and they can play in my context.”

Elena Rivera, Blake’s former “muse and nude assistant” (he reportedly has a new one now, but haven’t been able to personally confirm that at this time) also appears often in the movies.  Also appearing are Faith Leon, Claire Adams, Courtney Page, Tristan Kingsley, and Cassidey who appears in the only male/female scene of the compilation with an unknown male actor (you see his hands and penis but never his face).

“House Pets” has been nominated for 2009 AVN Awards in the Best Film and Best Cinematography categories.  The movie was shot in high quality shows like his other films and it definitely shows.

But, I was sadly disappointed.  In an interview, Blake stated that he makes porn “for thinking people.”  I greatly consider myself in that category.  And all I could think when I was watching the DVD was, “When will this end??”

I was a huge fan of Blake’s “House of Dreams” back in the 1990s when it came out.  His innovative style was perfect and highly erotic.  “House Pets” unfortunately reminds me of the surrealistic films of Salvador Dalí and Luis Buñuel (a partnership that should never have been made).  The artsy camera angles, overly-zoomed shots and disturbing “music” (I’m not really sure it’s supposed to be music) combined with the Kabuki theater-styled makeup and outrageous costumes completely ruin the experience.  All scenes were shot in slow-motion, so putting your DVD player on fast-forward does make the action more enjoyable.

True, if you like solo and lesbian action you might enjoy this as that’s what 17 of the 18 shorts are.  I do enjoy them, but it’s Blake’s interpretations that make them unwatchable.  The only male/female scene, “Cock Socket,” also employs the same bizarre interpretation and really would be best enjoyed by those with foot fetishes.  The bondage scenes also could have been much more enjoyable had the music not sounded like a woman’s ultrasound recording (maybe it was?).  One thing I do have to say that I like is that the actresses aren’t completely shaved and the small amounts of hair showing do help keep your attention – even if it is only to comment on how well or badly their trimming was done.

Each short is introduced with its title and list of actresses.  The titles are intriguing and make you want to watch but fail to tell you of the boredom within.  When I screened the movie with some close friends, we jumped from title-to-title in the order we thought they’d be most enjoyable.  We found out it really didn’t make much difference what order you watched them in as they were all equally disappointing.  These are the most....remarkable….items we found that needed to be mentioned:

“Cinematic Manipulation” features Sasha Grey and Faith Leon with silent a “cameo” role by Andrew Blake as it shows him filming the scene.  After the string tights are torn, sadly Sasha’s pussy is revealed to have a large blemish that is either a grossly infected hair or something I just don’t want to consider next to her labia.  I have no idea what they were thinking, but Faith’s hair decoration looks like a raven crashed into the side of her head and stuck there.

“Jewels” features Tristan, Courtney, and Elena.  This short has everyone with incredibly large costume jewelry pieces on their necks and fingers.  So much so that sometimes the better action of watching the actresses masturbate is hidden by the gaudiness.

“Cling” has Claire Adams and Sasha Grey with the focus being on bound suspension.  It’s like watching a bad Cirque du Soleil show.  And don’t even get me started on the ballet toe shoes that have been turned into stilettos….

“Cock Socket,” as mentioned before, is the only male/female short.  If you’re got a thing for feet, this one is for you.  There is quite a lot of vaginal and anal masturbation of Cassidey by the unknown male actor, but the flash cuts and moving angles make it hard on the eyes.  I will give Blake credit for at least finding an uncircumcised actor, even if it looks like he’s suffering from razor burn around his balls.

“Remote Control” has Courtney being stimulated with a remote-control vibrating egg similar to the one I recently reviewed.  This one while not as enjoyable as it could have been was worth watching.  Those who like to fantasize about doing it in an office will get something out of this short.

“Glamour Girl” features Sasha by herself in front of something that looks reminiscent of the old satellite dishes that took up half of your back yard in the 1980s.  It’s supposed to be a light reflective umbrella, but it unfortunately causes shadows in places where I’d rather see more of Sasha.  Her dark pubic hair stands out in stark contrast with the rest of the picture and draws your eye in.  The genital area blemish is still there in this short but she really should have either waxed or filmed right after shaving because the stubble there is unattractive.

“Jewel Gag” has Faith, Sasha, and Claire in a pseudo-restraint scene where Sasha looks like she’s holding a Christmas ornament in her mouth as a ball gag.  If you can get past the bad angles and shoes that look like they fell out of the 1970s, it’s pretty good.

“Lipstick” begins with a fairly interesting scene as we see Elena bound with a glass toy in her vagina and Courtney clamping her labia.  The close-up scenes of her moving the tied-in toy with her vaginal muscles is interesting but only lasts just over a minute.

Claire returns in “Contortions” and shows just how flexible she is.  She’s wearing the same outfit from “Cling” – so I guess there was a budget limit.  The most unattractive thing about this is her overly-pierced labia.  If you’re into that, then this is for you.I don’t mind a little pussy bling but this is ridiculous.

Courtney and Elena are in “T&A Bound” where they seem to be tied to the framing of a house being constructed and don’t move!  It doesn’t look like the way they’re tied would prevent movement, so why not let them in order to stimulate the viewer more?  Oh…and then there’s Elena thrashing around on a green background with a large “tail” coming out of her pussy.

“Raincoater” has Sasha in a bright yellow “Dick Tracy” style raincoat.  I found this one to be pretty hilarious only because Andrew Blake once called those who don’t like his movies “raincoaters” because they sneak off to seedy theatres to jack-off to smutty movies.  How ironic….

Elena and Courtney return in “Switching” and if you enjoy ropes and bondage you’ll like the use of them here.  If they looked more interested in what they were doing I’d like it more.

“Gold Redemption” has Sasha and Faith in a scene that looks as if Blake is trying to recreate the crucifixion of Christ in gold bondage.  I’m not a religious person, but the vapid looks and bad lighting make it all that more disturbing.

The duo then retire to another previously-used set for “Leg Room” that opens with Sasha putting one leg on an end table and urinating in the floor.  Not my style….  Fortunately, it’s the shortest of the bunch.

Elena is then featured in her own chapter, “Elena Rivera_my beautiful Nude Assistant_Muse” and shows her being bound and strung-up.  Claire does the honors and has at least changed outfits if not her goofy hairstyle.  Hard core bondage viewers will like this one.

“Leg Carousel” adds Sasha to Elena and Claire’s bondage exploits.It’s shot in black and white and makes it more interesting to watch.  The music in this one was much more appropriate and it got better reviews from the male viewers of my audience.

Sasha, Claire, and Faith then move into “Romance,” a much more colorful short but it still features way too much of Elena’s heavily-pierced labia for my tastes.  Added to that the horrible jump cuts and the scene becomes annoying very quickly.

Claire and Sasha keep the red-and-black motif going in “High Strung.”  If it weren’t in slow-motion it would be much more interesting to watch and seeing Sasha suspended from the ceiling and some serious boot licking by Claire.  It could have broken into the favorite short spot but falls short.

It’s an artsy fetish movie, pure and simple….but that doesn’t make it enjoyable.  If it wins the awards this year, I’ll be highly stunned.  If you’re into bondage and fetishes, watch it at your own risk ‘cause it just might make you want to give them up.


Interested in seeing this movie?