Natural and Hairy 16

I should know better than to ask for random DVDs.  Every time I do I get sent something "weird".  By weird I mean something that I wouldn't normally choose to watch that has one of those "What the Fuck" moments that end up somehow freaking me out in some way.  Natural and Hairy Volume 16 is one of those movies.

Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with body hair.  It's how the human body was meant to be.  I just get a little freaked out when a girl is so hairy that if she put on a bikini and went to the beach you would see pubes.  Can we please just neaten things up a bit?  That's all I ask.  On the other hand, I know that there is an entire generation that loves this stuff because it reminds them of the first porn they ever seen back in the early 70's when pubic hair ran wild, in more ways than one.  Different strokes for different folks...

Amateur porn or not, this is the sort of film that gets on my nerves.  It is, without a doubt, made for men.  The scenes usually start out with the girl putting on a solo show then jumps right into the sex, when there is sex and it's just not a "pet the kitty" scene.  In this case, since this is amateur porn, that jump is made by abrupt editing.   Once the sex starts though, it's real.  None of the over acting and outrageous vocals you sometimes get with professional porn.   Overall, I wasn't happy with the editing.  Position changes were made by the magic of editing, and it wasn't the best editing.  It looked like it was done on someones computer with Windows Movie Maker.  You could even see the camera flashes in the movie for the promo stills that were not included on the DVD.  Speaking of pictures, whatever scene the front jacket came from was not on the disk, nor was half the scenes the back jacket scenes came from.  What's up with that?

The first girl, Andrea, was pretty much shaped like a plank.  Her scene started with her getting friendly with her dildo putting on a show for the camera before the editing took us to her on the couch with who we can assume was her boyfriend. 

The second girl, Fabienne, didn't have much more of a figure but she had a grand time showing off for the camera and talking to the camera guy about what she wanted to do to him and how her masturbation show should be making him horny.  The most exciting thing about her was her French accent.  That was all she did, was put on a show.  No real sex here folks.  Move on.

Next we had Ella, a semi-Gothic looking girl, and a dude old enough to be her father.  The guy was fascinated by her lipstick.  Give me a break.  Makeup isn't that fascinating.  I could have really done without the medical close ups in this scene.  This scene ranked kind of high on my creepy meter.

Sissy is one of those girls that really have out of control hair.  She has that hair line that goes all the way up to her belly button.  It did a lot to compliment her belly button ring.  She called her "happy trail".  She then proceeded to show off her hairy nipples.   EEEWWWWWW!!!!  Next!

Ember was kind of cute then she ruined that by playing with her armpit hair as part of her tease.  I am not even going to get into her hairy ass.  Some things are just wrong and porn loves to share those things with us.

Martha, who also have very few curves, seemed a little shy to be showing off for the camera and once again I could have done without the medical close ups, this time of armpit hair.  She also put on a solo show, this time on the stairs, with a pink dildo.

Let me introduce you to Nikol.  We come right in with the action of her and, I assume, her boyfriend who was wearing a hideous green shirt that did nothing for his skin tone.  I thought her boyfriend was a rather butch looking woman at first.  Thank god for penises where we can sort these things out easily.  Even though she was all natural, at least Nikol keep things nicely groomed where she didn't freak out people.

Lacey was another solo act.  Yawn.  Watching girls masturbate is not my idea of fun.  This is now masturbation act five if I haven't lost count, six if you count the pre-show with Andrea.  After Lacy's show she's outside with a balding guy having sex on a blanket.  The dude jerks off all over her sunglasses when the time comes and she's happy about it.

Another girl with another dildo, this time her name is  Michaela and she has unnaturally red hair.  She's on an ugly couch wearing an even uglier hot pink dress.  She's another one of those girls that really need to practice some selective grooming because the pubic hair goes part way down the inside of the thighs.  Does that turn anyone on?  Well, anyone besides the guy she ended up having sex with.  I don't think he liked her dress either by the way he treated it when he took it off her. 

This is officially the most boring porno I have watched to date, and it has nothing to do with being amateur porn.  I have seen more exciting documentaries on the mating rituals of insects on Discovery.  I am surprised that I didn't lapse into a coma.  On the other hand, I am happy that this DVD played properly.  That's something to get excited about, right?  Maybe the ATK (Amateur Teen Kingdom) line is the popular stuff of Kick Ass Pictures and they put more care into the DVD quality.  If you ask me, claiming 12 scenes and three of those being solo tease scenes before the sex is kind of a cop-out.