This Ain't The Partridge Family XXX

















In the vain of what is not the Bradys, not Bewitched, and ain't the Munsters, comes a family that ain't the Partridge Family (but aims to be a very close sexual facsimile). The feature is again directed by Will Ryder. Hopefully the quality of sex on the dvd will match that which star David Cassidy got during the actual run of the show (or that which I dreamt about having with Laurie). I was such a big PF fan, that when I saw the bus used in this parody parked at the Hustler warehouse in Chatsworth, I had to have my pic taken.



There is an opening credit very similar to the actual show, with animated penises instead of birds. The house chosen for the exterior shot is close enough that I wonder if they snuck onto the back lot in Burbank and shot the actual one (which was also the Kravitz house in Bewitched,) though it couldn't be, as according to Hollywood lore it was destroyed by a bomb in Lethal Weapon II (as it was also the Murtaugh house). There is some opening dialogue which sets up a plotline, i.e. that Keith is losing his confidence with girls. Tori Black does an adequate Laurie, Sinclair reminds me not at all of Danny, Payton Leigh invokes little of Shirley Jones, and James Bartholet, despite being an experience sketch actor (when not performing in porn), comes across as the gayest Ruben Kincaid I've ever seen. Did no one see the show? Ruben was a playboy who dated stewardesses and models.

At some point, Danny tells of a magic elixir that will help women love you. Thus the storyline, which was not typical of a PF storyline at all. This would be more appropriate on an episode of the Archies. At band practice, this is the one time that they capture the PF essence, with a song about rainbows that might as well have come from the Normal Gimble-Charlie Fox catalogue. Tori is perfect as Laurie when she tosses her hair and plays the keyboard.

During the first sex scene, Danny tells Ruben of the effectiveness of the elixir. One of the local girls (Kristina Rose) ravages him after band practice. He credits the potion, though it might just be that rock stars get some high quality groupie pussy.


Rundown: Pussy eating, blow job, 69, reverse cowgirl, doggy, missionary, rim job, cum on muff.


Back at Ruben's office, we find out that Danny has put the potion in a bottle of Mom's perfume. Cut to the house, where Laurie asks Shirley is she has any more perfume. Laurie brings her date home that night, a millionaire playboy, who loves her perfume. Here's my Laurie fantasy come to life. Tori is no Susan Dey, but any Partridge in a storm.

Rundown: Blow job, hand job, reverse cg, cg, doggy, mish, facial.


At this point, everyone is knowledgable about the elixir in the perfume. Ruben mentions that even Chris is getting some hootchie, thanks to the perfume. Cut to a flashback of Chris (Scott Lyons) getting some action from Sarah Jessie.

Rundown: Blow job, 69, cum in mouth.


Everyone leaves Ruben's office, except for Tracy (Faye Reagan), who borrows some elixir to seduce the pizza boy (like she needs the help). It works... either that or the pizza boy is mortal and wants to fuck Faye Reagain.

Rundown: Blow job, pussy eating, finger fucking, mish, doggy with acrobatics, spoon, cg, facial.


Back at home, Mom has the grocery boy Ralphie (Kris Slater) delivery the groceries, who likes older women, and though Payton Leigh is nice, she's no Shirley Jones in her prime. It turns out, he delivers more than groceries. A point of order on this scene: They do it in the backyard, which is obviously a studio with fake grass. Apparently Will doesn't know his Not the Bradys from his Ain't the Partridges.

Rundown: Pussy eating, blow job, reverse cg, doggy, spoon, mish, facial.


In the final scene, Keith (Nick Manning) finally tries the elixir, while three girls are visiting. He pours it all around, and the special effects are more like something one would find on the animated Brady Kids. It works on the girls, which is great, because it means we get to see the cutey Shawnee Lenee, along with Jaclyn Case and Madison Scott, in a b/g/g/g foursome.

Rundown: Blow job, pussy eating, face sitting, 69, rim job, reverse cg, cg, finger fucking, doggy style, mish, anal doggy, facial on Shanna.

As it turns out, the revitalized libido was perfect for Keith, who writes 27 songs in 8 days. Cut to the US music awards, where the Partridges close with a final song, just like on the show. This one isn't as good as the rainbow song, and the vocal style is much too wimpy for Keith. In fact, with all the good looking male porn stars in town who could have played Keith, I wonder about the choice of the not-too-handsome Nick Manning in the role, as well as the too-long hair (Keith's cut was much more subtle and way more cool).

One thing I hadn't commented on, that bares note: though I think Will Ryder missed the overall spirit of the Partridges, the sex scenes were all really good. The actors were into it, the sex was hot, and the only beef was they might have been longer. As far as the essence of everything Partridge, I'm not claiming to be an expert on everything 70s... but I am. Plus, more than anything, I wanted to be the 6th Partridge kid (or the one that married in as Mr Laurie). It might have been more fun with a better script and some research by the actors as to the spirit of the show.

DVD Features: Two dvd set, behind the scenes, deleted scenes from the movie, both songs in long form, bonus scenes with Faye and Tori FShawna Leneerom the Barely Legal series.

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