Smokin' Hot Asians

When something is bad I have always said it is bad.  Not long ago I went back and read over a lot of my reviews and realized that I have changed how I do them, even a bad movie now I try to find something good to say about it and I really try to leave out the smart-ass comments.  In short I try to be more professional because I know that producers, performers and others in the industry read these reviews.  This time around, I am afraid that I am unable to bite my tongue.  I want the 90 minutes or 2 hours or whatever of my life back that Smokin' Hot Asians took away.

This was one of those cases where I was excited, I was sent something new.  I had never watched anything directed by Spyder Jones.  I was looking forward to watching it.  He should stick to music.  I have never seen such a blatent plug for a website before in my life.  This DVD was a porno version of an infomercial for Rockstarpimp.com.  Wonderful.  For $28.97 at Mallcom you can buy an advert for a website that you can spend more money to join.  Brilliant marketing.  The only thing we were missing was Ron Popiel or Willy Mays.

Even better was the crass comment by Spyder, "You know why I am fucking these hot girls?  Because I can."  Spyder.  Evan.  Dude.  Do you think Tera says that when she goes to work.  "I am fucking these hot guys because I can."  That's fucked up.  I don't care if you are married to one of the hottest women in porn, the ego is unbecoming.  So is the tattoo on your ass.  I am really into tattoos, but not that one.  It was almost as distracting as the shaky camera work that was a few inches off in every direction.  A close up of a guys balls is never a good idea, especially when it's unintentional.  I am pretty sure that I know a few gay guys that will even agree with me on that one.

I have seen formulatic porn before, but this was redundant to the point of being painful. Interview with the girl.  Girl sits on chair/couch while blowing Spyder, reverse cowgirl, cowgirl, doggie, missionary, reverse cowgirl.  Very little, if any, deviation from that.

Anyway, this is what happens when a rockstar (or anyone else for that matter) pays a porn chick for sex and has a failing first year film student film it.  Oh, and take note, if the ongoing promos for Rockstarpimp.com from Spyder wasn't enough, or the editing between scenes or scene edits to make room for the huge Rockstarpimp.com logo, the logo remains in the bottom left hand corner of the screen the entire time.

Asa Akira

Mia Smiles

Chrissy Moon

Kina Kai

Evalyn Lin